I am not sure how to describe my day but it all started with this...
...then to this...
and then...
So what happened today? Before I begin to write about it, I want to write about how I get angry. I'm the type of person who rarely gets angry. Yes I do get mad but it does take me a lot. Usually, I accumulate all the little things one by one. It all begins with level 1, level 2, ..., level 10. When it reaches level 10, it's my boiling point and I literally go berserk. Most of the time, I just brush it off when it reaches level 1 to 3. But when it reaches level 4 to 6, I subtly tell that person to back off. When it's level 7 to 9, I am going to be honest and warn you to stop right away. When it's level 10, it's too late because I'm going to break your jaw. Like I mentioned earlier, I go completely berserk so just run like a bitch for your life.
Like I said, I am a very tolerant person and I am exceptionally patient. But of course there are exceptions. There are cases where you can take me from level 0 directly to level 10....
1. Never talk to me with an attitude. I can't stand it. It rarely happens but sometimes I get people talking to me as if they are super annoyed. - Ugh...What do you want? - Are you serious? *rolls eyes* - Isn't it obvious? *does the bitch face* - I don't know why but it really ticks me off. If you don't want to talk to me, just postpone the conversation but don't talk to me with a bitchy tone.
2. Don't tell me what to do. You know it happens when sometimes I feel down about something and I just vent about it because I need to get it out of my chest. It doesn't give you the right to tell me what to do about my life. I do take suggestions but no orders. This is my life we're talking about. My life, my decisions, my future. So no comments from the peanut gallery.
Me: From now on, I'm going to do it like this to avoid that problem.
Friend: It's your fault! You must do it like this. *Level 3*
Me: I know...that's what I plan to do.
Friend: Listen Gloria, bla bla bla bla. You must do it like this. *Level 6*
Me: You don't need to repeat yourself and I can learn with my own experience. *getting pissed*
Soon to be ex friend: It's your fault Gloria. *Level 9*
Me: Don't talk to me like...
Soon to be ex friend: *interrupts me* Listen Glo. I already told you to not do that. *Level 10*
Well...that's basically what happened this morning. I just exploded and went berserk. I swear I can't control myself when I angry and there I go. You're just fucked. I am going to say stuff that will give you chest pain. I'm not vulgar, mean, or anything but the words that come out of my mouth are pretty painful. Then it follows with my friend telling me -I'm sorry!!! I didn't mean to make you angry!!! So sorry!!!!- That's too late pal. I just rapidly end the conversation before it gets worse. But damn, she was literally on tears.
I feel bad about this is when I've cooled down. Because all I could see is red when I'm angry. But when I'm not angry anymore, that's when I begin to think clearly. Was I too harsh? Did I say too much? Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Well, I talked with her afterwards to apologize about my angry behavior. She apologized again and was so scared I would be angry. Damn! :\ She just wanted to help but wasn't good with wordings...that's all.
So if you want to help me, I do welcome advices but no orders. But I do feel bad about it afterwards. Sometimes, I just say shit just like that when I'm angry and I regret it few days later....maybe few weeks later depending on how serious it was. But I do regret it most of the time. I say fucked up things that even the person is scared of me and doesn't see me the same way. Well, everyone gets aggressive if he\she is rubbed the wrong way.
Anyways, Sue called me afterwards to hangout and it was chill. All the stress were gone. I talked with her and she sure knows what to say. The same goes to another friend I talked with on the phone today. They both said the same thing as what my scared friend told me earlier but it was chill. -Gloria, I suggest you do this. But it's your choice at the end. I hope you can choose the best for yourself.- That's how you talk with me. Isn't that easy?
Then last but not least, I was sad and angry when I came back home. So guess what it is again? A so called friend I do not want to keep in touch anymore *cough cough ex cough*! I wonder sometimes why do I deserve all this drama. When I tell someone to not do a certain thing, don't do it. It's a pain in the butt to repeat the same thing again and again. Can't you understand I don't want anything to do with you? So I called this person and kindly asked to leave me alone. It did make me sad because I don't like to tell people to fuck off. It hurts me...I don't like to be mean. But enough is enough. I explained the reasons why we can't be friends and why it's best for us to cut all ties. I thought he understood. Trust me on this. It was super painful to do this because I don't like to hurt people. After hanging up, I thought it was all cool. He must of understood right? Sixty minutes later, I get another text message from him. The heck!? Didn't we talked earlier about this matter? Well anyway, someone will have a hard time moving on and it won't be me. Seriously, I was in the same state as the last picture. Do I have to get a new boyfriend so he could leave me alone? Hire one maybe?
You know, I'm not shy to write about these situations because I know a lot of people go through this. Well, you aren't alone and you can get out of it. It's not impossible. It's all about yourself. Make a decision and do it. If you don't, you are going to remain stagnant there and it won't take you anywhere.
Anyways, I'm out to bed! Good night...or good morning.
